How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie, is so famous we hear references to the book’s title and author all the time. Many say that this book and the man himself have helped them with personal interactions by bolstering their confidence. To me, this is ironic, as I see this Carnegie – who, by the way, bears no relation to steel magnate Andrew Carnegie – as nothing more than a confidence man.
For sure, his book – known by many including me, as the con man’s bible – isn’t enough to give pause to those wary of swindlers, consider that Dale, whose last name was “Carnegay”, appropriated the spelling of the infinitely wealthier and far more famous Andrew. He did this to trick his marks into associating him with the legendary tycoon and philanthropist, another reason to view him as the scammer he was. More damning for his legacy is that while the latter’s endowment realized over 2,500 libraries worldwide between 1883 and 1929, neither the former, nor his family, have seemingly even donated a dime.
In it, he discusses three techniques in “handling” people, which are not to criticize, condemn or complain about or to them, to give honest, sincere appreciation of them and lastly, to awaken in them a want. Now the first two certainly seem to be what one would find in any self-help best-seller, the third, to us at Make More Monie, clearly slanted to those sales books on how to self-help one’s way to another’s’ wallet.
Most of the book’s advice is also not applicable in today’s First World, as there’s many that we’ll come into contact with that do deserve criticism and condemnation, many others that aren’t worth spending any time appreciating, and, unless applying a hard sell, we’re not likely to be manipulating a want in them.
Having said that, the “complaining” aspect of it is valid. Most cannot tolerate it, and nothing bothers me more than having my time wasted by someone’s whining to me about someone or something, especially if they are unwilling to take appropriate action in relation to it, in aid of addressing and/or resolving it.
Another section in the book reveals ways to make people like you, such as being genuinely interested in them, remembering their names, listening to them, encouraging them to talk about themselves and their interests, sincerely making them feel important, etc., and smiling. Always. These things I usually do, although I do it because it’s my nature to do so, not by design as part of some ulterior motive.
The author suggests that the only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it; showing respect for others’ opinions by never saying they’re wrong, and that, should we ever be, we should admit it quickly and emphatically. Again, I follow these guidelines all the time, but with respect to the former, not for any kind of a win, but because I have no time to waste on correcting others, save for those closest to me.
Further along, Carnegie suggests would-be leaders begin interactions with honest appreciation for others (seemingly even with those not appreciated – so much for being genuine) and a list of how to treat others that reads more like how to coddle and spoil a toddler than inspire and lead a legion of colleagues.
In Make More Monie’s opinion, all the above advice is ill advised for our mentees in today’s First World. In fact, I cannot imagine it as a playbook for anyone with success of any kind in any era, except as always, the publisher and the writer. Even if it was well-meaning, it’s not crucial to being successful. For example can you imagine Bill Gates or Steve Jobs being so touchy-feely when they were destroying their competitors? Was Mark Zuckerberg being warm and fuzzy while diluting the Facebook shares of Eduardo Saverin from 30% to 24%, and then from 30% to eventually nothing but a settlement and an NDA?
Although some tech titans like Larry Page of Google aren’t known for being ruthless, it’s more likely due to them not reveling in their notoriety like, say, Oracle’s Larry Ellison did and still does. Besides, if you have the idea, skill, or inherent “whatever”, and if you believe in it all the way all the above did, and in doing so make all of your legions richer beyond their dreams, all is quickly forgotten — and forgiven.
Disclaimer: The information contained herein should not be construed or considered professional advice. Nonetheless, thanks for reading! If it resonates, there’s “plenty more where that came from” on Facebook, Instagram, Threads, X ‘n’ YouTube.