Habit five is to seek first to understand, then to be understood. I suppose this sounds good and all in theory, but in reality, studies apparently show that although most people claim to be self-aware – and therefore would have the capacity to seek first to understand – they actually aren’t, and therefore don’t. So much for this habit.
Covey and I do agree that most seek first to be understood. They want to get their words in and until they do, they will ignore the other party or parties to the conversation while trying to look like they’re listening (or not even trying at all). They may pretend to be listening while they are not talking, but while doing this will only be absorbing parts of what’s being said. I also know that many may indeed hear the words being said, but not actually know the meaning behind them.
This happens for reasons ranging from their self-unawareness to a lack of education, or both and/or all in between. Regardless, Make More Monie says that since many people one encounters through their day may be of this type, but may have something of value to offer, forget about seeking to understand where they are coming from, absorb the information, use what’s critical and purge the rest.
We say this because, again, life is warfare and time is short. We don’t care what inward-thinking is going on with our counterpart in conversation. Nor do we care whether they filter everything they hear through their life experiences and their frame of reference.
The book states that communication is the most important of skills and that people spend years learning how to speak, read and write, but then questions whether people have the wherewithal to hear well. I noticed this verbal sleight of hand right away. Who says anyone’s level of hearing is any less developed than their level of ability to speak, read or write, well or not?
Look; people will either listen well to us or they won’t. It is like the analogy of not having to be faster than the predator, only faster than the slowest prey in the area. We shouldn’t care if all listen to us or not, only that those we want to reach do. Furthermore, if we’re open to doing whatever we can to reach ‘em, we surely will. Those that want to hear us – or are now in a place whereby they are open to hearing us also will. Usually this has come as a result of natural/negative consequences of not hearing us the first time, but for them, better late than never.
At Make More Monie, we know that everyone has always had the capacity to hear, but we also know that it sometimes takes a lifetime for people, especially in our First World full of distraction and misdirection, to truly want to hear what others are saying, and some people, well, they’ll never listen.
Save the meaningful conversations for those in our closest circle. Spend them on siblings, parents, partners ‘n’ progenies, assuming that they are like-minded and buy into the mission. In those conversations, you’ll already know where they are coming from, so to speak, and if they’re clever, they’ll be open to hearing what you say, especially coming from your perspective.
Take the time and effort to sincerely listen to what others, such as those of us at Make More Monie are saying, as we may indeed have already been where you are going, or perhaps are not going. The hard-earned and hard-learned lessons we have to impart are priceless. They’ll save you years of lost time and effort, provided you only listen and act upon it all. Understood?
Disclaimer: The information contained herein should not be construed or considered professional advice. Nonetheless, thanks for reading! If it resonates, there’s “plenty more where that came from” on Facebook, Instagram, Threads, X ‘n’ YouTube.